We All Work for Microsoft, Apparently

I listened to story after story today about the new CEO of Microsoft, Satya Nadella; I now reluctantly know him: his background, his rise through the corporate hierarchy, how he aims to “speed innovation,” and blah blah blah. I also now know that Bill Gates is going to devote more attention to this foundation, to “bring technology to places where it isn’t common,” and how dulce et decorum est: to manufacture devises.

Nadella even told NPR that it’s important to bring (Microsoft) technology to Third-World populations because “they’ll be our future workers” in some vague but Elysian Global Market, as if A. it’s just assumed we’re all on Team Microsoft, like the company is our Olympic hockey team; B. the prospect of the cubicle is the envy of the world, and the glow of the computer screen is preferable to the sun itself; and C. that such statements don’t sound callous, if not creepy.

Janet I. Tu of The Seattle Times wrote:

Given all the many months and the many rumored candidates whose names appeared then disappeared, the naming Tuesday of longtime Microsoft executive Satya Nadella as the company’s new CEO was as much a sigh of relief as it was the beginning of the next chapter for the software giant.

See how that’s written? It’s written as if we all work at Microsoft, or at least all wish the company well—as if something terrible would happen to all of us if the company fell on hard times. What a relief, that we have a new CEO. The article states: “‘Microsoft was founded on a belief in the magic of software,’ Gates said, adding that the company has amazing strengths.”—as if that’s supposed to be endearing! What a beneficent visionary, what a giver of life, what an exemplar. People in California, the home of Silicon Valley, will run out of water in three months, but the magic of software, everybody! Gag me.

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